Beaver Fever
by Fishsqueal
Summary: One beaver. One camp. Ten Akatsuki members. How will Sasori survive? One sided HidanxBruce the beaver. CRACKFIC!


akatsuki crack fic--------------

**All characters in this story are entirely owned by Masashi Kishimoto except for Bruce the Beaver. Love and respect the beaver because he knows where you live. Not to be taken seriously, most of the first chapter sucks blah,blah,blah. I hate it when people say that it's their first attempt at a fanfic because it turns me of, exactly why I'm not going to say it. **_**Whoops**_**. Pwetty pwease rwead and rweveiw! Again this a total crack fic. Just so you know, some of the events in this fanfic are based on real life experiences, I'll point them out when they come along. this should be the shortest chapter, 'caus I like my fanfics long, if that makes any sense . So without further adue, I present to you (yes, you) A life-changing story, about a bond between the Akatsuki, and your favorite beaver, Bruce! **

**-Dominoes **

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Life is weird at times. For the Akatsuki, this is rarely ever the case. Never the less, Sasori knew that the week to follow would be one of the odder varity. The reason you ask? With so many new members in the akatsuki, leader had concluded that the newly formed partners should take a break from missions to "get to know one another". Thus, leader came up with the "brilliant" plan to go _camping. _Yes, _camping._ Somehow the thought of sleeping in a tent so cramped you can barley breath, pained Sasori. Somehow the thought of a billion mosquito bites on unreachable body parts made Sasori twitch (even if he was part puppet).Somehow the thought of sleeping on a large pointy rock, digging right into whatever it felt like, annoyed Sasori. And somehow, the lovely thought of spending a whole week in a forest with the others, made Sasori want to puke.

Sasori tossed some more clothes into his cherry-red suitcase before he reached over to pull the zipper shut.

"Crap!"

"What is it, Danna?" Sasori looked over to see his newest partner, Deidara, had finished packing and was now coming over to assist Sasori. Big mistake.

"My suitcase has a busted zipped. Say...Deida-"

"No! My bag barely shuts as it is,un! besides, you can just put your stuff in that ugly puppet of yours"

"Leader won't let me bring any of my puppets, other than myself of course. Apparently, there too dangerous for camping. No one's bringing any weapons."

"Go ask someone else, un!"

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Sasori had set out to find someone to share a bag over half an hour ago and with only one member left to ask, Sasori was feeling defeated. Kisame and Itachiwere the first he bothered. Itachi had declared that he would not share, because he refused to have Sasori going through his "personal clothing items" whatever that meant. And Kisame was allergic to Sasori's cotton shirts. The redhead proceeded to ask Kakuzu and Hidan. Kakuzu denied Sasori access to his bag because he feared that Sasori would steal all off the money he had hidden in there, and Hidan had planned to wear the same, grimy clothes all week long. Not to mention a toothbrush...ewww. The member he asked next was Zetzu, who threatened to "eat him and his little dog too" if he ever asked again. (what dog?) Sasori now bravely stood in front of his last resort, possibly the most feared member of the Akatsuki. Tobi.

"Ahhhh! Sasori sempai! Tobi is sooo happy to see you! Would you like to join Tobi for a tea party? Tobi made cookies shaped like feet!" _feet? _

"Uhhhh, no thanks. I was wondering if maybe... we could share a bag for camping? See my bag broke so-" He said in a way Sasori hoped that Tobi wouldn't allow it.

Tobi screeched in joy. '"OF COURSE SASORI SEMPAI!"

Sasori watched as the other man happily skipped over to his bag and heaved it in Sasori's direction. Poor, poor Sasori.

With a now bruised head, Sasori managed to drag Tobi's, and now his own, bag back to his room which to his surprise, was now empty. He placed the big green bag on his bed opened it, and carelessly threw all of his camping supplies into the ugly bag.

Once he had finished packing, Sasori lugged Tobi's bag into the gloomy hideout hallway. Stepping back into his own room once more he sighed.

"So long, you know I'll miss you."

Shutting the door behind him, Sasori re-entered the hallway. "We're waiting for you outside Danna. Leader says if you don't show up in the next five minutes you're stuck doing dishes while were camping, un." The redhead hadn't even known he was late.

"What?!"

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"And that." Leader announced, "Is why Sasori is on dishes this week." Hidan smirked.

"Hidan, you want to help Sasori with the dishes?"

"No way in hell am I doing that shit!" the rest of the Akatsuki sent Hidan looks of surprise. They all knew he was stupid, but swearing to the leader?

Leader smiled the evil way he does.

"I think your chances of joining Sasori are sounding very good right now"

"No fuc-"

"Dishes"

Hidan grimaced. He had been put on dishes before, and by the time he was done ,well... let's just say Hidan+dishes= total disaster. In fact, the only member that could do the dishes without breaking something was Itachi. Exactly why he was always on dishes. You're probably thinking, "Why don't they just buy a dishwasher?" The answer to that- Kisame is allergic to them. He seems to be allergic to everything. Llamas, cheese, lions, nail polish, lamps, Zetzu, gummi worms - you name it, he's most likely allergic.

Speaking of Kisame, he now stood hopping on one foot. A rather odd sight if I do say so myself. Tobi was the first to respond to this insanity "Ohhhhhh, Kisame san, that looks fun! can Tobi do it to?"

Kisame frowned."No, sorry Tobi. The doctor told me to do this when I feel any allergies coming on. It looks stupid, but doctor's orders." Kisame felt a thousand eyes on him.

Leader stared at him.

"Right...anyway, as I was saying, the campsite we will be staying in is about a day's walk away. We _will_ be walking." Groans emerged from his audience. "The trip will last a week. No killing or eating anyone." He glared at Hidan and Zetzu "No eating any of our food unless its meal time. No stealing." Leaders eyes made their way to Kakuzu."And no scaring little children - you know the rules" Everyone received a glare this time. "All of you will be sharing a tent, except for Konan and I." The remaining Akatsuki shot each other looks. Leader cleared his throat and pointed east."We will head East and we should get there, eventually. If there aren't any questions, we will leave." Sasori's arm shot up.

"Do I have to go?"

Leader sighed."If I go, you go"

Sasori eyes filled with disappointment. He watched as the other members grabbed their bags and headed West. West? Whatever, leader probably meant West in the first place. At least he had Tobi to carry his bag. Sasori fell to the back of the line, beside his partner Deidara.

"_NEHHEHEHEH" _

"Hey Sasori Danna, did you hear something un?" Sasori listened.

"_NEHHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEN" _The pair stopped dead in their tracks. Sasori turned around only to find a creature. It's hair was brown and matted, and it's eyes were like the pits of hell, and it's tail, oh its tail, was that of a devil. The creature looked at Sasori longingly.

"B-bb..beaver."

"What, un?" Deidara turned to find what Sasori had been speaking of.

_"NEHHEHEHEHEHEHHHEHHEHEEEHEHENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!" _

"RUN!!!!" The two men ran as fast as there little feet could take them. Soon Itachi and Kisame came into view, and they could no longer hear the gnawing of the beaver behind them. Itachi glanced in their direction, sporting a questioning expression on his face. "What now?"

"OHMYGOD. It's coming for us,un! It had big teeth and really messy hair and was foaming at the mouth-"

"Was not!" Sasori knew this thing was evil, but it had not been foaming at the mouth.

"But it was making funny noises, and even Danna was freaking out!" Sasori elbowed his partner in the gut. Hard.

Itachi and Kisame exchanged glances, and without another word, walked away. This time however, Sasori and Deidara followed close behind, to prevent another meeting with their beloved beaver friend.

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Meanwhile...........

Bruce the beaver frowned. His tail dropped. He only wanted to be loved. For as long as Bruce could remember, he had been ugly, a hideous creature feared by all. His life had been so cold, so empty, so _lonely_. But Bruce would stand for this no longer. He would find someone that would love and care for him. Someone that would always be there for him. Most importantly, someone rich enough to get Bruce plastic surgery. And did that group of men that walked by look rich or what? Without even packing his beaver bags, Bruce set out on a journey that would forever change his little beaver life.

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**So there you have it. I know, I know, all ****but**** the parts about Bruce sucked beaver ass. I swear it'll get better. Allergic to dishwasher? Well according to **_**me,**_** it's possible. **

**Everything Bruce is based on real events. (sort of) **

**LONG LIVE THE BEAVER! **

**-Dominoes**


End file.
